Less Than Divinity

Thursday, August 14, 2025

I'm feeling... Homesick. Even though I live with my girlfriend in our home, I miss my family. Despite the horrible things they did to me, I'm reminiscing on the good times. I envy people having relationships with their family — so much so that I start to loathe the gut feeling.

I've begged and cried to have a good family. I've pleaded into thin air for it. Yet after everything, I miss them. It feels like a sick joke I've made myself believe. I want to visit, but I'm afraid.

I want this feeling to go away.

Thursday, August 7, 2025 (9:20pm)

Today wasn't the best. My partner is having some work issues that I can't help with. I can give advice, but that's really all. It's if she wants to take the advice is where I can help. Her job requires a bachelors degree, so I understand the feeling of needing to push forward.

It's causing her immense stress to the point where she wants to call out. She can't, unfortunately, being the assistant team lead. I could tell her that maybe this job isn't quite right for her and that she should try to find another, but I know she wouldn't want to hear it. She loves this job, that I know very well, but with her newfound medical condition it might almost be impossible for her to have a comforting home life. She wakes up, goes to work, comes home and collapses.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her at all. Not in the least. With the job she works, I would've quit already. She persists and I'm proud of her for it. But because of her medical condition, I don't know how long she'll last this time around.

And with the way she's being paid, it really isn't much at all with all the bills we have combined. I myself am still looking for a job with accommodations for my ailments. But SHE'S looking for another job on top of the one she already has. She works full time. A whole 40 hour work week and she says she needs to get another job. While yes, I have income from social security, technically I should go out and get another job. I would just have to push myself to the breaking point - maybe ever further.

I'm willing to keel over to keep her happy, but I've just been so unsure lately. I want to be happy too, but my severe paranoia of her just giving up on me overwhelms me daily. It's happened with past partners, and really its never gotten this far before romantially, so as a trauma response I'm bracing myself for it to happen. I don't like having to brace myself for things that are practically absurd at this point because I LIVE WITH HER- . . .

I need to put in more applications.

Thursday, August 7, 2025

I've found a new template and have completely reworked it. I still don't know how to build from scratch, but I've learned more with editing.

Things have been looking up at least. I've gotten help with my medication and I feel a lot better. So much in fact that I edited this entire website. I have been working on it since 10pm yesterday. It is currently 5 in the morning.

I'm going to continue to encourage myself to post more on here. It'll be good for me to write out how I'm doing.

Ive leaned into the "sheep in wolfs clothing". All bark no bite. Though, I'm learning to let things go. It's gradual, but it's good.

Monday, April 14, 2025

Hello there :)

Don't you enjoy not knowing how to write HTML? Me either.

My name is Josie! Currently I am 21 years old and just now got into learning HTML. I'm not too good at it, so I found a template to help me get started on it!

Since I'm new to stylizing a layout like this, instead of not having a fully fleshed out page at all, I tried my hand at Wix. I don't particularly like the confineness of the website, so I wanted to branch out a little! I found Neocities through a video on YouTube. I had realized how much I wanted to create something like this for a while now, but never had the energy to do it.

Going forward with learning HTML, I will continuously keep researching on how to make websites - even gathering the help of my beloved partner. It will be a long project, but I really would like to make all this work.

I'm not all too good with making big paragraphs, but I am good on stylizing things :)

This page I'm sure does not work on mobile.